sunday061205

.» the end.

bye xanga..again
thanks for giving me a place to type
lol =)

thursday060905

.» throw me a fishing line, reel me in and never let me go  

 From my sister's profile:
"i would rather see you once a year
than someone else every day of the
week.."
     -danny on Full House

I used to look forward to graduation, but now I don't want it to come so soon. It's my fear that that's when EVERYTHING is going to officially end, and I'm not talking about just school.. I miss Leo more than you can even imagine and I know it's going to be great when I finally get to see and spend time with him, even just as friends... I just don't like the fact that I can't help but think it might be our last..

my heart is sinking more and more every day.. I can feel it.

i know a lot of people that have been miserable lately.. it's nice knowing we're all on the same boat.
to percnt milk: you're good at covering up
to percnt milk: i would of never of guessed
nobody has ever seen me unhappy. i don't like the attention that follows negativity.

monday060605

.» i love that feeling...

...that feeling you get when you know you're wanted, needed, and loved. It makes you feel like you're the only one in the universe that matters, giving you importance and a reason to live. Everyday you wake up with those butterflies in your stomach and that smile one your face knowing that somewhere out there youre being waited for and you're waiting back, willing to do anything and take risks for their sake because you love them. Even just the thought of them and the sound of their voice makes you the happiest person known to man and nothing, NOTHING can bring you down--it's as if the world is stopping for just you two.

...I just wish that this could've lasted forever, but what can I say, nothing is forever [how ironic]. Eeh scratch that.. there actually are a few things I know that will last forever no matter what anyone says or does. *sigh*

Eh, it kills that this has to be happening to me.
But hey, there's nothing I can do about it.
Man, I feel like I'm just falling apart.
I hate being so fuckin optimistic,
It's just lying to myself.
I'm a total failiure.
Life sucks.

</3

Two posts in one day after almost a year... strange.

monday060605

.» i cant sleep 

it's 5:23 AM and i've been awake for over two hours now. after laying in bed this whole time i decided to get up and do something hoping to keep my mind off things but it's really not working. i randomly woke up around 3 and i cant get back to sleep. i hate it. somebody please kill me now, i'm dying anyways. life sucks..and i know it's just gonna keep getting worse from here--as the days go on its gonna start hitting harder. i feel weak. i feel lost. i feel unwanted. somebody save me.

i'm not being very optimistic at the moment but lately when i have been, ive been hating it. it keeps me from feeling and saying what i want to, tricking me into thinking everythings alright.. when i know i'm not at least. i'm feeling so many songs right now.. too bad they make me feel worse than i already am. waking ashland - hands on deck, that's what's playing right now. up next: babyface - nobody knows it but me.

uggh its getting light out. i have to wake up in less than an hour. i better stop this i have a shitload of other things to stress about..they don't stop, do they? anyways i dont want my eyes to be puffy in the morning again like it has been for the past couple of days. maybe i can get 2 minutes of sleep in. if that happens, damn will i be happy.

kill me like i'm still alive